Brilliant Nihongo Romaji

I loved the Magic 8-Ball as a kid, and have discovered that you can tap its properties and so much more with Will Carlough & Rich Boenigk's Translation Party! It translates English phrases to Japanese then back to English and Japanese until the phrase repeats itself. I already broke it twice with "I like that band!" and "Sit up straight", but I also got some amazing results with "Maybe I don't feel like working" and "When will I be rich?"

Have fun:
http://translationparty.com

Invasion on the 7 train

Alright US Open people - it is so obvious when you've boarded the 7 - bright pique shirts and special sun caps, accents unmistakably honed outside New York - hints of the left coast and elsewhere, in decibels louder than our usual tone.

You need to know that your train behavior is kind of obnoxious. New York may seem like it's roaring at all time, the 7 train may look wild on the outside - but it's really pretty tame. We commuters are just trying to get home quietly, read a book, stare out the window. I don't need to hear about your friend looking pregnant, don't need to know about how you don't know where "Mets Stadium" is, and I certainly don't want to feel you falling on me when you don't hold on.

So just like we can keep our voices down in libraries and holy spaces, let's practice that on the subway too. It's a refuge for us commuters, from demanding jobs and crazy streets. You're on turf when you hit the train, so keep it down!

Participate in the democratic process?

"Sign a petition to get a Democrat on the ballot?"
"Are you a registered Democrat?"
"We're trying to get a Democrat on the ballot for the fall..."

These are the various lines I used this morning on the Lower East Side to get people to sign a sheet to (you guessed it) get a Democrat on the ballot (for State Senator to represent the district).

It was freakin' hard. Most people looked like I was going to puke on them. Even if I got someone who wanted to sign, they had to be a registered voter from the area. A large number of people told me they weren't registered or they just weren't citizens. One guy told me he couldn't vote because he just got out of prison, but that if I needed a man to go find him at Dunkin Donuts.

If it's this difficult to get signatures just for a spot on the ballot, I cannot imagine campaigning for votes.

In the end, the majority of people who signed my petition were either hipsters, metrosexuals, or older Latina ladies. In the span of two hours, every Asian person who walked by me claimed not to speak English or just ignored me. And one African-American said he would never vote for Obama even though he's a Democrat. He was cursing up a storm about it. And a security guard told me not to vote for Obama because he would take the troops out of Iraq and then the Iraqis would come to New York.

I wasn't even campaigning for Obama but WHAT did you just say???

Where are these people getting their information from?

All in all, it was kind of a disheartening job, but one man graciously told me to "keep up the good work." He may not know how much that really helped, as a traipsed up and down Delancey, competing with the allure of the subway, McDonald's, and the baseball caps knock-off store. Just helping a community activist build better schools and affordable housing. But sorry, let me get out of your way.

grammar ghosts

YOU'RE ABSOLUTE PERFECTION is what I thought the first line was to the new Lucky Ghost song - but I in a recent interview with the singer I learned that my interpretation was slightly off.

On a side note, I'm a stickler for using you're and your in the right place, along with it's and its. Oh yeah, and apostrophes... I'm sorry, but thanks is not written thank's. I've been in too many elementary school classrooms lately where teachers have misspelled/misused these words.

Anyway the Lucky Ghost singles are so sweet they're like a perfect vodka.

myspace.com/sethberkowitz

what's up with the five cents?

New Yorkers beware - as of this month, if you purchase the $8 Metrocard they kindly offer you a "$1.05" bonus. Basically it means that if you want a full ride with that, you will need to add a beautifully uneven 95 cents. Put that on your credit card.

I haven't tried adding the 95 cents yet, but frankly I find it quite annoying and conniving. I doubt most New Yorkers will think about the five cents, so if a million New Yorkers forgo today's 5-cent-bonus, that's $50,000 for the MTA in one day. Yup.

to a great oh-eight

It's '08. Almost as easy to write as '07 since you can close the zero at the top and slide your pen to the next digit. A professional artist told me he got dizzy writing '08 for he first time yesterday. This same artist has an awesome new comic on the web at www.roundersthecomic.com.

It's updated every week, so if you're logging on for the first time, it's best to click on the home page and begin from there. It takes place in an alternate world where a violent game of baseball is the norm, and the protagonist is in love with a girl with a robot arm.

In other news, though I have an incredible immune system, I'm suddenly fighting a cough. To avoid going outside to buy medicine, I decided to mix together a bunch of recipes from a site called The Holistic Medicine Cabinet। I just downed a mug of camomile, bay leaves, nutmeg, lemon juice, sage, honey, cloves, whiskey and a cinammon stick. The site doesn't mention camomile - that was my mom's idea.

my reality fix is back - with lots of blatant plugs

It's bad enough that I consciously follow a reality show - Project Runway - but now I have to sit through their full sentences about products on the program. If they give me one more plug about the shoe line or the car sponsor or the many other companies that sponsor them, I may have to shut the TV off. And de-program the DVR setting. Hear that reality show producers?

I know they're trying to find innovative ways to beat the DVR commercial fast-forward. But these plugs are incredibly annoying and totally boring. There's gotta be a more creative way to give the products attention.

And as for Project Runway...after so many seasons, everyone on the show just knows how it goes. The boys are constantly quoting Tim Gunn's "Make it work"... I think it's time for a new slogan, Tim. I know you got it in you...

finding the joy in phil collins' "against all odds"

So take a look at me now!

After listening to last weekend's This American Life*, Phil Collins' song has been stuck in my head for days. The fabu-tastic Joe McGinty is featured in this episode (called the "Break-Up"), as his friend Starlee narrates her tale of relationship woe. It's quite amusing, especially when she calls Phil Collins to ask him how to write a song. He's a real gentleman.

* http://thisamericanlife.org/

amy winehouse singing rehab in a chair

here's a clip of amy winehouse (who just escaped rehab again, according to the press). watching her sing here is kinda fascinating. sorta reminds me of a female tay zonday...

purr baby ready for CBGB, a little late

this lady got a haircut over the weekend. it was quite an ordeal, but she was alright. she's now running all over the house like a new man. and purring.